katie miscellany

let's talk about God.

2012-03-05T12:35:00.003-05:00

Let's talk about God. Deep breath. I never wanted to be "that" person. That person who people think of as Christian. I've always been relatively comfortable on that borderline, you know that place where yeah, you say you are a Christian but you keep that aspect of your life comfortably muted. I never wanted people to think of me as "too much of a Christian" because honestly, I've long thought of Christians in a negative light.

My faith has been a struggle for me my entire life. So much of my life was spent looking outwardly at other Christians and judging them -- not intentionally -- but I felt there was so much hypocrisy in the Christian community that it turned me away from wanting to be a part of it.

The part I found it hardest to admit is that I am just as imperfect and hypocritical as the next guy. I guess in some subconscious way I knew I could never hide my imperfection so it was easier to hide my faith, and save myself from the same judgement I had placed on others.

"Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges.
For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things."

-Romans 2:1

But I've learned very recently to redirect my focus inward, to pay more attention to how I can represent my faith rather than be preoccupied with what I think others are doing wrong as Christians. It's taken me time to accept, but I've come to embrace the idea that as confused as I've felt, I can't figure it all out on my own. Through the grace of God I can live out His purpose for me and be an example for His glory.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach,
and it will be given him."

-James 1:5

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to hide my faith out of fear of judgement, judgement I know all too well exists because I myself practiced it for years. My intentions are not to offend anyone, but I know that no matter what I say or do it will not please everyone, and that is okay. I want to be true to myself and my heart and I encourage you to live out that promise to yourself as well.

This post may seem a little diffuse and I apologize for that. I'm slightly nervous in writing it. I've always steered away from talking a lot about faith on my blog, but I'm coming to realize now that as I grow as a person and as my faith and relationship with Christ grows, it's becoming increasingly difficult to NOT write about it. How can I leave out something so important to me? Don't be surprised if you notice me being more vocal about my faith in future posts :)

I've been praying a lot about what direction God wants me to take in life -- What purpose photography should play in my life as well. I feel like God is placing on my heart some answers, but it's taking time. I'm excited for what the future brings because I know God has a plan for me.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."

-Psalm 28:7

xo,
Katie

P.S. Inspiration for today's post came from the Day 1 Challenge of The Prosper Book by Scarlett Lillian.

Check out The Prosper Book & Community by clicking HERE

What's a photo journal post without a picture? Here's a little sweetie from a photo shoot Summer, 2011.

our week in cell phone pics.

2012-03-05T10:26:00.000-05:00

xo,
Katie

tpam: bedroom redesign (before).

2012-02-21T16:25:00.000-05:00

This is a long time coming. I think it's finally time to decorate/design our master bedroom. Home decorating is really difficult for me because my style changes from day to day, season to season, and it's hard for me to commit to 'one look' I guess you could say. I've yet to hang a single picture or decoration on our bedroom walls and because of that it just doesn't feel like home. I mean, we've lived here for 3 years, I think it's time to take that "next step", wouldn't ya say?

So here's the deal. I've seen a lot of bloggers doing the OPAM (One Project A Month) theme. I've decided to do it too, except I'm making it TPAM (Two Projects A Month). The honest truth is, our entire house looks like my bedroom, bare walls and no design or style. I'm going to try and commit to working on 2 small areas in my house per month. I'll post my before & after pics as I go!

So here's my bedroom as it sits now. It's not Pinterest worthy, let's just put it that way. It's a hodge podge of thrifting and dumpster diving (yes, I just said that). But there are some elements I'd like to incorporate into the new look and they are labeled in the pictures below:

As you can see I'm keeping all the furniture that is currently in the room (there isn't much, it's a small master bedroom!) Along with the Large Mirror and Dog (We kinda like her, we think we'll keep her. LOL)

Right now I'm looking for a new quilt/comforter for our bed, new throw pillows, new color for the walls and window treatments. I'm also planning on painting the dressers and putting new hardware on them once I've decided on a color palette for the room.

Looking forward to working on this over the next several months. We are currently finishing up a project in our entry way, I'll post before and afters of that when it's completed!

If you have any suggestions on design/furniture placement/etc for me I'd love to hear your ideas! If you're on Pinterest and like to pin home decorating ideas send me a link to your board, I'd enjoying following your pins for ideas as well!

You can find me on Pinterest HERE

xo,
Katie

some distant day.

2012-02-20T12:57:00.000-05:00

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer.
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

xo,
Katie

us lately via my cell phone.

2012-02-17T14:54:00.000-05:00

self portraits in black & white, february 14, 2012.

2012-02-14T15:50:00.004-05:00

fight your way through.

2012-02-13T15:24:00.001-05:00

I saw this posted on facebook earlier today and it really struck a cord with me. It really speaks to many reasons why I'm struggling with my own vision as a creative person lately -- and it inspired me to find comfort in the fact that what I'm going through is natural and necessary. It also inspired me to not let the bumps in the road discourage me.

Thanks to Illustrator Eric Wieringa for posting this. I've known Eric for over 15 years now & I highly respect him as an artist, you should truly check out his work, it's incredible.

Eric on the Web

Eric on Twitter

Eric Wieringa Illustration on Facebook

business as usual.

2012-02-12T14:23:00.002-05:00

As you might know, I've taken some time off from photography. I haven't shot a wedding or a session in several months. This time has given me a lot of room to reflect on how I ran my business in the past. What worked. What didn't work. What I loved about my job and what I didn't love. I'm realizing that trying to do everything on my own just wasn't possible; this is why I fell short in many ways. It's becoming clear to me now that if I'm ever to continue on with my business, it can't be business as usual.

I'm looking into organizational tools and also the possibility of outsourcing some of the areas in my workflow that I feel are my weakest. I miss so many things about the work I used to do -- I just feel some restructuring in my personal life and professional life has been greatly needed. I'm diligently working on both and it feels really good. I think my future clients and my family (and myself!) will benefit from it a lot.

xo,
Katie

Jonathan & Hannah // 2011

boy and dog.

2012-02-10T07:25:00.003-05:00

Molly and Tyler asleep on the couch.

xo,
Katie

holly golightly and folgers in my cup.

2012-02-09T08:30:00.000-05:00

It's obvious to me now that drinking copious amounts of coffee on a daily basis is vital to my role as a successful human. I'm not sure at what point in my life I began drinking coffee, however I am positive that my first hit of java was taken well before the birth of my first born. My addiction has obviously blurred my memory.

It's been a struggle in the coffee department at our house lately. We've really had a difficult time producing a decent cup of coffee in the last week. The accidental purchase of an insipid can of light roast, coffee pot malfunctions and last cup spills. These type of events send me into an alarm which often escalates into an apocalyptic downward spiral of panic.

Okay it's not THAT bad.. but it is tough. I don't think I have that many vices in life, but coffee certainly is one of them. I love my designer coffees but truly, I'm happy with the 25 cent day old they hawk at the gas station down the road too. Obviously my passion for coffee doesn't come from a refined appreciation for micro milk frothing, bean cultivating & brewing, or the barista trained arts. Either way you stir it, I NEED my cup of coffee.

But alas, the stars have realigned because yesterday my husband ran out at 9pm and bought a new can of French Roast which we promptly opened and brewed up this morning. It was exquisitely delicious and like the Folger's commercial promised, it was my best part of waking up...

.. and in the few precious moments I had before my children emerged from their bedrooms with tousled hair and sleepy eyes, I was Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's, sipping coffee and feeling fabulous.

xo,
Katie

Originally posted on my old blog in 2011.

invincible summer.

2012-02-06T19:16:00.004-05:00

Free download for your desktop. Click HERE for full resolution.

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I made this today because it speaks volumes about how I'm feeling lately.

This winter has been a pivotal one for me mentally and emotionally. Maybe it's coming from age, I'm not sure, but I'm coming to terms with a lot of things. I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm realizing that you either rise to the occasion or you don't, but rising to the occasion has to be a conscious decision. A decision you make intentionally and purposefully.

It won't happen by accident -- rising to the occasion of life, that is.

xo,
Katie

pictures from the park.

2012-02-06T07:53:00.001-05:00

The weather has been so bizarre this year. We went to the park this past weekend because it was relatively warm for early February -- there is no snow on the ground but the lake hasn't thawed yet. We had on light jackets and hung around until dusk when our attire was no longer appropriate. It felt good to be out.

xo,
Katie

little blue wall.

2012-02-04T21:28:00.004-05:00

We promised the kids our next stop would be the park, so needless to say when I requested that Eric pull over so I could get a quick family photo in front of a little blue wall that caught my eye, the kids threw a fit. I promised it would be quick & painless so they all humored me and within 2 minutes we were back in the car and back on course to the park. Mission accomplished.

In the past I've avoided family photos for any possible reason I could think of -- my clothes aren't right, hair isn't right, the kids clothes aren't just right, etc. But now I'm making a conscious decision to throw caution to the wind and when a photo opportunity arises, I want to take it. Regardless of how we're dressed or where we are. In the end none of that really matters -- what matters is only having a couple family pictures and wishing I had more.

So here's to an impromptu family pic wearing every-day clothes taken on the way to the park on a Saturday of no consequence -- and loving it for being just that.

xo,
Katie

today was peaceful.

2012-02-02T21:56:00.002-05:00

Today was peaceful. The weather was lovely and the kids and I had a lot of quiet time, which is unusual for us. We strolled the library, checked out some books, came home and read, made dinner, played "grocery store" -- Tyler inflated prices, I bought a Power Rangers action figure and a can of corn from him for $200 monopoly dollars, Claire bought some stickers from him for $20 fake dollars and a stick of gum. Tyler's quite the entrepreneur.

It was all strangely serene. Maybe because this weather feels like spring and it's so intoxicating. It's been so long since we've had the window's cracked and sun shining through them. I think we all just ate up the light. We crave it this time of year. Michigan can be so overcast in the winter,.. but it wasn't today.

xo,
Katie

baggage enough.

2012-02-01T15:42:00.002-05:00

Watching the sun through my bedroom window this morning got me thinking about a quote I heard recently:

Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough. -Author Unknown

I tend to make life more complicated than it needs to be. I let baggage weigh me down. I let baggage hold me back. Some of the most successful people I know have one thing very much in common -- they seem to keep things simple.

I'd like to separate myself from some baggage and keep things simpler too.
I think I'll start today.

xo
Katie

in her sleep.

2012-02-01T08:00:00.000-05:00

I like listening to all the sounds of her sleeping -- her deep sighs and the shifting of her legs. I like watching her sleep. The way her one hand drapes over the pillow and the other is curled up under her chin. I lean in and kiss her cheek and it doesn't wake her. I wonder if she senses it. I whisper to her in her sleep -- hoping that on some subconscious level what I'm saying sinks in to the deepest part of her being.

I love you so, so much.
You are so beautiful.
There's nothing in this world you can't do if you set your mind to it.
You make me smile.
You are my sunshine.
I love you.
Sweet dreams.

xo,
Katie

the paper mama self photo challenge.

2012-01-31T10:43:00.007-05:00

I'm currently linking up with The Paper Mama for her Self Photo Challenge. The challenge is simply to post a self-portrait and then finish the sentences listed below (in bold italic).

When I first read about this challenge yesterday I started thinking about what kind of self portrait I wanted to take. As I sat on the couch with my computer on my lap, thinking about backdrops and lighting and makeup and clothes, I realized I was just too tired to put on that appearance. It's hard for me to keep up with all that, especially in the world online. I decided in the morning I would take a picture of myself just waking up instead. It's the real me. No make up. Just raw. No retouching. Sleepy eyes and skin... before I even rolled out of bed. It's the version of me that my family sees every morning-- and if I'm brave enough to hit the "Publish Post" button then I guess you get to see me this way too.

Obsessing over…

This print I got to hang in our living room. Framing it today!

Working on…

Making more time for myself.

Thinking about…

A distant family member who is in the hospital.

Anticipating…

Eric coming home from work -- it's my favorite time of day.

Listening to…

The wind blowing outside.

Eating…

Green tea with honey & oatmeal.

Wishing…

Life will always be as great as it is today.

xo,
Katie

P.S. Last year I took these pics of Claire just waking up.

january, from my cell phone.

2012-01-31T08:01:00.001-05:00

It was a pretty easy going month. My 31st birthday prompted quite a bit of self-reflection that is still in-progress. I didn't set any new years resolutions but after some reflection as of late, I'm setting some goals for the upcoming months. Just personal things to work on.

One thing I realized recently, something that I've always heard but never really put much stock in, is the notion that "What you focus on with your thought and feeling is what you attract into your experience" -- More and more I'm believing this to be true. Now that I'm more conscious of this idea, I'm excited about effecting change in my life with it.

How was your start to 2012?

xo,
Katie

He's starting to wipe my kisses off... but not all of the time.

2012-01-29T21:58:00.000-05:00

photography: easy indoor headshot.

2012-01-26T19:42:00.002-05:00

I'm going to be honest, shooting in the cold weather isn't my favorite. It's not my children's favorite either. Lately around here it's either been 10 degrees and snowing or 40 degrees and raining -- which has made it difficult to get a couple nice, outdoor head shots of my kids. I generally like taking my kids pictures outdoors because of the consistent natural light and variety of settings, however these kids of mine have a couple grandma's who have been patiently waiting for updated pictures and waiting on the weather to get them just isn't cutting it.

For a nice, naturally lit, indoor head shot of my kids I like to simply have them lean against the large window in our living room (curtains open), with all the other lights in the house turned off. I make sure to do this when it's overcast out or when the sun isn't directly shining through the window. This way we get a nice soft ambient light coming through and just slightly illuminating one side of their face more than the other. Then I position myself across from them, leaning against the window as well.

In order to get a correct exposure I spot meter the side of their face that is being lit by the window light, adjust my camera settings accordingly, then focus on the eye closest to me, then take the picture.

My camera settings for the above pictures:

Lens: 50mm 1.4
Aperture: f/1.4
Shutter Speed: 1/200 sec
ISO: 100

This is a pretty decent way to get a nice head shot of your kids without getting to fancy. I snapped about 15 pictures of each of them over the course of about 2 minutes and I got about 5 keepers from each batch. Typically I get the best result when I don't make a big deal of it to the kids. Whatever they are wearing, however their hair looks, doesn't matter. I just lean against the window and ask them to come look out it with me. We chat for a sec and then I start snapping away. (Tip: If you want to adjust your camera settings BEFORE you get your child in front of you, you can always position your hand out in front of you, about where your child's face will be and meter off the back of your hand, adjust your settings, then get your child into position.)

Maybe your kids have grandparents who need updated pics for their frames as well? Try a little impromptu, by the window, photo shoot this weekend and see what ya get!

xo,
Katie

animated gif how-to.

2012-01-26T08:58:00.001-05:00

How to create an animated gif in Photoshop. (I use CS5, although from what I hear other versions of shop use virtually the same process).

Start out by putting all the images you want to animate into one folder.

Open Photoshop & create a new document with the same dimensions of your images to be animated.

Open the file you created for your images to-be animated and select all the images at once. Drag them together into Photoshop and release them over the new document.

The first image should show up with a superimposed “X.” Keep hitting “Enter” until all of the images are loaded as individual layers. Rearrange the layers into the correct order, if needed. *hint: if you save the images numerically in the chronological order for which you want them to appear in the animation, they should automatically layer in that order*

Open the Animation palette by clicking Window > Animation.

In the Animation palette menu (found at the top right corner of the palette), click Make Frames From Layers.

Now set a duration for each frame. (Make sure you are in frame view, not timeline view. If you do not see thumbnail icons of your layers in the Animation palette, click the icon in the lower right corner (the hover text will say “Convert to Frame Animation”). Now, back in the Animation palette menu, click Select All Frames.

Click the drop down button just underneath the first frame image. This will bring up a menu where you can set a duration. Because all the frames are selected, all frames will be set to the same time.
(Frames can be changed individually, if desired.)

In the bottom left corner of the palette there is a drop down menu set to "Once". This indicates how many times the animation will loop. You can change that to any fixed number or to "Forever". Just click on the drop down menu and set to the desired duration. I always choose "Forever".

Once the frame order and timing as been set up, you can save your animation.
Click File > Save for Web & Devices, (make sure the file format is set to GIF), then click save.

To post the image online you can use a free file sharing site like Photobucket.com to load the gif and then copy and past the link into your blog post or onto other social networking sites.

If you create one, I'd love to see it! Just post the link in my comments!
Enjoy!

xo,
Katie

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why i really left.

2012-01-25T15:39:00.006-05:00

A lot of people have asked me why I quit the photography industry. The #1 thing people ask is if my business was a failure financially. The answer, truthfully, is no. Absolutely not. While my husband was unemployed and then in school, I supported us with my photography business. In fact, it flourished, at much faster pace then I ever intended. I am blessed with supportive friends and family who, early on, were constant cheerleaders for my business and through the grace of word of mouth it wasn't long before I was turning away business due to time constraints. All this happened before I really ever had time to evolve into a sincere artist. I hung my shingle and was creating a product before I ever had time to discover what my product was and where it was coming from within me.

I think this is where it all unraveled for me. I know a lot of photographers who also had success early into their career and they flourished from it. I on the other hand burnt out, very quickly. Mentally it was difficult for me to run the business side of being a photographer, with also being a full time mom and wife. My mind never turned off from "work". I didn't separate work and home life. I slept 3 hours a night on a regular basis, staying up late doing God knows what. I don't even remember. Surfing Facebook, reading other photographers blogs, comparing myself relentlessly to everyone else in the industry? I wore myself down and then eventually out. I couldn't hack it emotionally. I wasn't ready to be working in a creative industry and dealing with all that comes along with it. I ~~had~~ still have a lot of soul searching to do.

I need room to breathe. I need to mature. I need to reign in my ego. The ego that focused more on comparing myself to others than looking inward and developing myself as an artist. My ego couldn't stand that I came up short when I compared myself to others -- and this really consumed my life. It's embarrassing and difficult to admit, but it's true -- and it hindered me from continuing on with my work. I had everything I needed to run my business, except the right attitude.

I'm hoping in time, when I'm ready, I can re-enter the photography industry with a healthier attitude and outlook. I hope I can find a more mature approach to working in a creative industry. I need to find a confidence that allows me to operate as a photographer in an industry chuck-full of AMAZING artists without being constantly discouraged or frustrated. Photographing people really is my passion, it's a deep-down-head-to-toe-love-it-and-hate-it-can't-live-without-it-passion.. and I'd like to believe that eventually I'll be ready to have something I love that much back in my life.

But until then, I'm taking some time to myself to feed the good wolf.

xo,
Katie

two wolves.

2012-01-24T06:59:00.000-05:00

The Legend of the Two Wolves

An elder was teaching his grandchildren about life.

He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil -- He is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego. The other is good –- He is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old man simply replied, “The one you feed.”

- Cherokee Legend

xo,
Katie

innocence.

2012-01-23T07:58:00.003-05:00

(Me, My Grandma, & My Uncle - Earlier this month, celebrating birthdays)

He's been asking a lot of questions about growing up lately. I think my recent birthday has prompted talk of age -- more specifically, the giant cluster of January birthdays we've been celebrating over the last 3 weeks has prompted talk of age. He's beginning to get a sense of time and being that he's 5 and 1/2 years old he's curious about understanding where we all fit into the timeline.

Earlier this week we had a discussion about growing old. Tyler isn't quite sure yet if that is something he wants to do, although he did mention that he thought "old people" are special because they have lived a long time. While I reminded him that it will be a very long time before he is old, I agreed that growing old is actually something quite special to do. Because, in growing older we gain something called "wisdom" and to be wise is something great.

He looked at me and tried to mask his anxiety with a courtesy smile. He still wasn't sold on the idea of growing old. Sympathetically I redirected his attention to the fact that he is no where near "growing old" yet and I mentioned that people who are older and wiser would argue that being 5 and 1/2 years old is actually a very special age to be. Interest piqued, he listened intently for my conclusion -- that while being old and wise is something to be respected, being young is something to be envied. After receiving a satisfactory explanation for the meaning of "envy", he asked what was special about being 5 and 1/2 years old. I told him because children, like him, have something incredible... something that no one else has -- it's what we call "innocence", and man, there's nothing better in the world than that.

xo
Katie

project 365. week 3.

2012-01-22T10:12:00.001-05:00

It's week 3 for Laura but it's week 1 of Project 365 for me because I'm joining in a little late! I also started late in the week so I have 6 photos instead of 7 -- but I figured I'd start this week anyway. I hope you're having a great weekend, friends!

xo,

Katie

Pictures
1. Morning on the couch.
2. Watercolor.
3. My view at dinner.
4. Baking.
5. Tyler.
6. Claire.

we promised eachother.

2012-01-20T08:15:00.008-05:00

She hopped up on my lap. I wrapped her in my arms. I kissed her forehead. She kissed my lips. We snuggled for a while -- it could never be for long enough. I asked her to love me forever. She asked me to do the same. We promised each other that we would.

I hope you have a wonderful day, friends.

xo,
Katie

every square inch.

2012-01-19T07:00:00.025-05:00

dear tyler,

...i adore every single, solitary, square inch of you.

that is all.

love, mom.

in the ordinary.

2012-01-18T07:00:00.019-05:00

last week i turned 31. after we had my favorite chinese for dinner, THIS for dessert, and spent some time with my parents, laughing and feeling full, eric and i tucked the kids in bed and settled in on the couch to watch some t.v. and relax. while channel surfing we got to talking -- talking about everything and anything. if you had asked me 10 years ago where i'd be today, my answer would have looked nothing like the life i'm living now. in fact, if you had told me i'd be married with two kids i probably would have laughed and brushed it off as fiction. you see, i never dreamed of getting married or being a mom. i never dreamed of a perfect wedding dress and walking down the isle, i never thought about baby names or what my children would look like, like so many other girls do growing up. but somewhere along the way i fell in love with a man and we eloped. we married eachother and said vows that would be tested and proven true. then one fall evening, after almost 3 years of marriage, we sat on a park bench eating icecream and decided maybe it was time to start trying for a baby soon. 10 months later we had a son. 13 months after that we had a daughter. and here i am. here we are. a happy little family.

while eric and i sat on the couch that night of my birthday last week, i told him i wouldn't change anything about my life, not a single thing -- and i meant it. i used to believe that a life of meaning was a life in which you did great things, things that other people recognized as great and noteworthy -- the things that get you on the cover of TIME magazine or written about in history books or at the very least having a job title that people find interesting or important. i believed that anything short of that was just another ordinary life, and why would i want that? but now i realize that a life of meaning can be created in how you see all the little everyday things that quantify an entire lifetime. there's something great about finding happiness in the ordinary... and i'm looking forward to a lot more of it.

by a window.

2012-01-17T10:42:00.002-05:00

........ claire by a window on tuesday morning.

from across the table.

2012-01-08T09:25:00.001-05:00

yesterday i had a few errands to run. originally i was going to run out by myself so i could be in and out of stores quickly without having the kids in tow. while getting ready to leave i suggested we all go together and make it a family outing. we ended up doing some window shopping and made some unplanned stops, including pizza dinner. sometimes i get so caught up in figuring out how to get my to-do list finished quickly that i forget to just have fun doing it all. i'm glad eric and the kids came with me yesterday, the view from across the table pretty much made my whole week. i hope you're having a great weekend, friends!

splendidly ordinary.

2012-01-06T18:49:00.003-05:00

today was a splendidly ordinary day.

camera: fuji instax mini 7s

back then.

2012-01-05T20:15:00.009-05:00

our little house is only a few years old. not that long ago the land our house sits on was just another piece of beautiful, wild grass filled land in midwestern america. i used to drive past this area all the time growing up. all the times i passed that land, never really noticing it, i would have never guessed that i would eventually have a house there and two kids and a husband and a blog. i used to count down the days until i could get out of that small farming town — and i did — get out of it. i left that town for a few years in my late teens and early twenties and had some adventures in a different part of the country. i look back on that time away quite fondly. back then i couldn't have imaged that a week out from my 31st birthday i'd be back here, living on that little piece of land behind the lake, in a little blue house with a small kitchen and a troublesome crack in the wall. I couldn't have imagined my two kids, or my handsome husband, or our mortgage. i couldn't have imaged that'd i love it all so much either — but i really do — love my life that is.

camera: polaroid sx-70

happiness Is.

2012-01-04T14:46:00.008-05:00

a note to self, today happiness is:

1. ...picking up tyler and claire from their first day back at school after Christmas break... (and finding that you worried about them all day for nothing. The anxiety they expressed this morning before school was washed away throughout the day as they fell back into old routines and reunited with little friends.)

2. ...hearing tyler and claire laugh all the way home and catching flashes of their squinty-eyed smiles in the rear view mirror.

3. ...being extra tired because you stayed up late last night cuddling on the couch with eric and watching t.v.

4. ...making time in the morning to put on lipstick.

5. ...finding a great deal on polaroid film and having your shipping upgraded to 2 day express for free.

6. ...glancing at the clock to see how much longer before eric gets home from work and getting little text messages from him that let you know he misses you too.

camera: nikon d700 + 50mm 1.4g

according to claire.

2012-01-03T16:16:00.004-05:00

at the time i purchased this camera for claire i didn't realize what an awesome gift it would turn out to be. originally i bought it for her because she took such an interest in always using my camera, and because i'm not so good at allowing my 4 year old to play with my highly breakable, highly expensive toys, i thought it best to get her an indestructible, inexpensive camera of her own. all the pictures on her camera are taken by either her or tyler. what an incredible insight into the mind of my children. i noticed that claire is particularly fond of the self-portrait, that makes me smile. loading the digital images from the camera into my computer was more exciting than any photoshoot i've ever done myself. i can't wait to see more of the world according to claire.

camera: fischer price kid tough digital

missing summer.

2011-12-30T18:16:00.004-05:00

looking through polaroids from this past summer and reminiscing.

overcast independence day weekend at the lake, 2010
camera: 1988 polaroid impulse af

lunch in a booth.

2011-12-08T18:52:00.009-05:00

i love kids. i was a kid myself, once.
-tom cruise

tyler, you've reminded what it is to be a kid.

to be silly.

to laugh.

to be free of preconceptions and unnecessary expectations.

when I think about it, i've yet to face a circumstance on which a child's outlook wasn't the preferable one. thanks for helping me stay in touch with the kid i once was... and am now learning to become once again.

i love you.

digital equipment.

2011-11-16T13:46:00.002-05:00

my digital equipment:

nikon d700

nikon d300

14-24mm f/2.8g

50mm f/1.4g

70-200mm f/2.8

60mm f/2.8 macro

SB-900 af speedlight flash

SB-80dx speedlight flash (x2)

pocket wizards (x2)

various strobes & modifiers

this equipment is left over from my time as a professional photographer and could probably be considered a bit of overkill for just your average photo taking mama.

editing:

lightroom 3

photoshop cs5

mac

jesh actions

again, this editing software is leftover from my professional photography days. while the above software is amazing, there are some great resources that do the job and cost less. i recommend photoshop elements.

bags:

think tank airport security bag

shoot sac

q &a

i'm just getting into photography, what camera would be good for a beginner?
canon or nikon?

when it comes to canon or nikon, you really can't go wrong either way. i shoot nikon, but feel there are benefits to both brands. when someone asks me what camera they should buy, it's kind of like asking someone "what kind of car should I buy?" there are so many variables and with personal preferences thrown in, buying a camera is really a unique decision every photographer has to make for themselves. the difficult part of that is, you really won't know what you need/want until you have a little experience and knowledge under your belt.

so where do you start? if you're interested in pursuing photography as a serious hobby or possibly a career in the future, i suggest starting off with an entry level dSLR such as a nikon d5000 or canon rebel series. generally these are not camera bodies that a working professional photographer would use, however they are a great beginner camera that you can learn on without investing an arm and a leg right off the bat. a great lens to start with for either nikon or canon would be a 50mm 1.4. it's a great standard, all around lens that will work in many different situations. (one thing to remember is that you can not use nikon lenses on a canon body and vice versa. however there are 3rd party brands such as sigma, that offer budget friendly lenses that are compatible with nikon and canon bodies.)

my advice:

* photography is an expensive hobby and extremely expensive business.

pace yourself when making purchases and don't bury yourself in debt getting the latest and greatest gadget just because it's available. take advantage of renting lenses or camera bodies to test them before you commit to purchasing. once you catch "the bug" for photography, it won't be long before you have a LONG wish list of equipment that you want.

(that said, if you ever shoot a wedding for someone, always, always, always, have back up equipment even if you have to rent or borrow it. the wedding will go on whether your equipment is working or not.)

* learn your current equipment inside and out and master it, once you've mastered it, if it still doesn't meet your needs, then it's time to upgrade. when you are ready to make investments in equipment, do invest in quality. especially lenses. you will benefit more from a quality lens than a high end body.

* do yourself a major favor: learn to shoot in manual mode! i can not overstate how much your images and work will benefit from understanding how to create a proper exposure manually. shooting in manual will bring consistency and creative control to your images.

a wonderful book that I recommend as a place to get started learning to shoot in manual mode and understanding the benefits of different types of lenses understanding exposure: how to shoot great photographs with a film or digital camera by bryan peterson

happy shooting!

hung the moon.

2011-11-13T18:59:00.004-05:00

claire i had so much fun with you last night.
it was a beautiful November evening, the air was cool but pleasant -- perfect for a walk and bike ride. you make me laugh. you are so funny, you have the absolute best sense of humor, already at 4 years old. you are confident and beautiful. i think everything you do is perfection. i know there is not a thing is this world you won't be able to do if you set your mind to it.

while pedaling your bike down the quiet street you stopped and pointed up at the moon, alone in the sky -- not yet adorned with night stars. You said, "look mom, that's our moon, because we are best friends". and then i picked you up off your bike and held you while we looked up in the sky together.

i just wanted you to know that i kinda think you hung that moon.

it's okay.

2011-11-09T11:31:00.003-05:00

Dear Self 11/9/2011,

Good Morning! How are ya? I know, I know.. same old stuff right?

You're feeling slightly neurotic & out of control. You're always in search of that feeling of peace but you can never settle your soul enough to get there.

If I know you, you're agonizing over little things too, like trying to decide if you should delete your blog because you question why you have it.

You're comparing yourself to others and feeling like you don't add up. You feel like you could use some validation from others telling you that you are a great person and then you are immediately annoyed with yourself for needing that validation; because you are a somewhat insecure.

You're wondering where you are in life, if you're on the right track and you're struggling with your faith again; because you are kinda confused.
You hate that you don't have it all figured out. You're really hard on yourself. You feel guilt.
You want to be a better Mom. Wife. Daughter. Sister. Friend.
You never feel... good enough.

Well lady, I've been meaning to tell you some things. Things you should learn to really believe.

It doesn't matter if you are 3, 13, 30 or 103... until the day you die you are still learning, still evolving. No one has it all figured out and guess what, you're not doing all that bad. Relax a little.
You are so incredibly blessed to have some really neat people in your life who love you like crazy and you're even lucky enough to have them TELL you that, quite often too. Don't ever trivialize that by seeking out validation from people who only wish to hurt you.

I know there were times when you didn't, but you do love yourself. Try not to obsess over the truly-unimportant things.

You struggle with your faith & guilt but you know what, I think faith is a process and you'll always be working it, so don't worry so much, learn to trust yourself. Guilt is a pretty heavy burden, let go of it and learn to forgive yourself.

So you are imperfect, you have room for improvement, (lots of room), you're slightly neurotic, somewhat insecure, kinda confused. You might not realize it, but that's all okay. You might be surprised how many people feel just-like-you.

It's okay, really. You're doing just fine.

subtle laughter.

2011-10-26T19:03:00.006-04:00

i let Tyler stay up late tonight. He sat next to me on the couch while our dog, molly, laid her head on his lap. i love how he gently drapes his hand over her head while she sleeps... he quietly strokes her fur without realizing it. with my arm around the two of them we snuggled on the couch and watched youtube videos of kittens playing. this is one of tyler's favorite things to do. and sitting next to him, holding him while his subtle laughter echos against my chest, is one of my favorite things to do.

adele.

2011-09-24T19:08:00.002-04:00

i have this vision of my daughter 18 years from now, coming to me crying with a broken heart and we put sweatpants on and lay on my bed eating ice cream and i tell her about when i was 22 and my heart was broken.

i put on adele and promise her, it doesn't seem like it now, but everything will be okay. and i'll look at her, and in my eyes she'll still be that 4 year old little girl with a freckle under her left eye, innocently snuggling in my arms.

adele.

claire in early morning, out of focus and backlit by the sunrise.

2011-02-14T12:17:00.000-05:00

A squinty-eyed 3 year old stumbling out into the living room in pink pajamas at 6.30am.. rubbing her eyes under disheveled hair and yawning as she smiles at me. I wish I could bottle these moments.

My daughter Claire in early morning. Out of focus and backlit by the sunrise.

Enjoy the journey.

xo,
Katie